Passionless

I dragged Dan to see the movie Julie + Julia tonight. It was cute; maybe not worth seeing after matinee price, but definitely the kind of movie worth Netflixing and snuggling up on the couch with a glass of wine on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Movies like that both depress me and give me some hope. By all standards, I live a pretty great life. I live in a wonderfully bizarre city with the love of my life, have absolutely amazing and genuine friendships (just a short 5 hour drive south!), a college education with a decent paying job, and routine massage-pedicure-and-sushi Sundays. I like bars and bands, take continuing education classes in whatever strikes my fancy (so far I've taken a desktop publishing class and a wine tasting class through the University of Utah extension program), and have been to some of the most exotic places on earth with no intention of stopping anytime soon.

But I have yet to find a passion. Something I love, something I'm good at, something that defines me. It's somewhere, I know I have one. I, like the girl in the movie, quit almost everything I start (outside of work because, uh, I have bills to pay). It's not something I say lightly, and I probably wouldn't admit to that out loud.

I ran seriously for 10+ years, and even got some free education from it. But as soon as I graduated and there was no team, no coach, no 6 am practice or meets, I stopped. I haven't ran in years. (How I haven't become enormous is truly beyond me). I tried yoga. I even went to a cute yoga studio downtown and bought my own yoga mat. But then the snooty hippie girl fixed my stance one class and said something to the effect of "and now welcome to warrior two pose" which I took as snide instead of helpful, and have yet to be back. I wrote often and well when I was younger and won some awards and money along the way. But then life got in the way, and I haven't written in God knows how long (save this little space in cyberspace and I guess I write some press releases and articles at work, but nothing overly creative and inspiring).

It's difficult for me when someone asks me what my hobbies are. Isn't that insane? I always answer "traveling," which is true, but I obviously don't do it on a day-to-day basis, so I kind of think it's a cop out.

I don't mean to make this sound like I think I'm a bad or pathetic person. I'm just still searching. Unfortunately, no matter how well I do in my career(and I've always done well in my jobs; I'm never satisfied with mediocrity in the workplace, especially if my name is on it -- it being a project or task, etc.), I don't know that work will ever be a passion. I mean, it's work -- I don't want it to be my passion. I'm satisfied with my career, but I want to find something I like doing for me.

So, I'm going to pick yoga back up. Maybe it won't be a passion, but maybe it can be something I don't have to quit. I enjoyed it, it was healthy, and I already have the mat! By this weekend, I'll be a member of the studio again.

I'll update this to see how that went.