Here, in Utah

Passionless

2009-08-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

I dragged Dan to see the movie Julie + Julia tonight. It was cute; maybe not worth seeing after matinee price, but definitely the kind of movie worth Netflixing and snuggling up on the couch with a glass of wine on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Movies like that both depress me and give me some hope. By all standards, I live a pretty great life. I live in a wonderfully bizarre city with the love of my life, have absolutely amazing and genuine friendships (just a short 5 hour drive south!), a college education with a decent paying job, and routine massage-pedicure-and-sushi Sundays. I like bars and bands, take continuing education classes in whatever strikes my fancy (so far I've taken a desktop publishing class and a wine tasting class through the University of Utah extension program), and have been to some of the most exotic places on earth with no intention of stopping anytime soon.

But I have yet to find a passion. Something I love, something I'm good at, something that defines me. It's somewhere, I know I have one. I, like the girl in the movie, quit almost everything I start (outside of work because, uh, I have bills to pay). It's not something I say lightly, and I probably wouldn't admit to that out loud.

I ran seriously for 10+ years, and even got some free education from it. But as soon as I graduated and there was no team, no coach, no 6 am practice or meets, I stopped. I haven't ran in years. (How I haven't become enormous is truly beyond me). I tried yoga. I even went to a cute yoga studio downtown and bought my own yoga mat. But then the snooty hippie girl fixed my stance one class and said something to the effect of "and now welcome to warrior two pose" which I took as snide instead of helpful, and have yet to be back. I wrote often and well when I was younger and won some awards and money along the way. But then life got in the way, and I haven't written in God knows how long (save this little space in cyberspace and I guess I write some press releases and articles at work, but nothing overly creative and inspiring).

It's difficult for me when someone asks me what my hobbies are. Isn't that insane? I always answer "traveling," which is true, but I obviously don't do it on a day-to-day basis, so I kind of think it's a cop out.

I don't mean to make this sound like I think I'm a bad or pathetic person. I'm just still searching. Unfortunately, no matter how well I do in my career(and I've always done well in my jobs; I'm never satisfied with mediocrity in the workplace, especially if my name is on it -- it being a project or task, etc.), I don't know that work will ever be a passion. I mean, it's work -- I don't want it to be my passion. I'm satisfied with my career, but I want to find something I like doing for me.

So, I'm going to pick yoga back up. Maybe it won't be a passion, but maybe it can be something I don't have to quit. I enjoyed it, it was healthy, and I already have the mat! By this weekend, I'll be a member of the studio again.

I'll update this to see how that went.

Summertime

2009-07-26T21:01:00.000-07:00

We've been in Utah for just over a year now, and I can finally say I'm getting used to calling it home. In many ways, this year flew by; in some, it dragged.

Dan is done with the first year in his PhD program. I'm so proud of him -- he is rawly intellectual, but he is an incredibly hard worker as well. He has one more semester left of classes, and then he will concentrate completely on research in his lab. His actual PhD will be in Human Genetics, and he studies genes in fruit flies to better understand those in the human body. He has about five more years left in his program, so Utah will be home for awhile.

As for me, I continue to move forward as well. I finished my first year at the job I got when we moved here -- a job I really tried to love. Then, after I realized I would never love it, I tried to be content with it. While I never found contentment, I am proud to say that I conducted myself as a professional the entire year. To be honest, I knew after a couple of months that this was not a job for me. It was a pay raise from my pervious position in Las Vegas and with an extremely reputable organization in Utah. On paper, it looked fantastic, and as a young professional in this economy, not only would it have looked awful to leave a corporate job after a few months, it would have also been a huge gamble. Besides, I knew how lucky I was that I left Las Vegas with no job lined up in Utah and was able to get the very first one I applied for. So every day I went to work, did my job with 110% dedication, and continued to keep my eyes open for opportunities for professional development. For example, each time my work offered to pay for a conference, training session, or membership to a professional association, I took full advantage of it. By the end of my first year, besides my job title and description, I had a few more bullet points with ties to Utah to put on my resume.

I also kept my eyes open for job opportunities, and applied for a few periodically. I interviewed for two positions, and was offered both. I declined both for various reasons (one was with a company that could barely articulate the job duties and just seemed a little "off." The other was for my church. I would have LOVED to take the job, but a couple of reasons ultimately prevented me from doing so: it would have been a HUGE pay decrease and, more importantly, it would have been a huge professional step backwards. I was so ready to be done with my job, which is why I applied for it in the first place, but in the end decided to stick with it until something right came along -- which could have been never in this economy).

After just over a year in my job, an incredible opportunity came along: reputable company, well-rounded job duties, in my field. I interviewed (and interviewed and interviewed...) and was made an offer. Each interview felt like a better and better fit, and the icing on the cake: a tiny pay increase. The cake, of course, was not only the job itself, but also being able to leave my current position. I feel incredibly fortunate that I am able to continue climbing in my field in this economy. A lot of job web sites right now say things to the effect of "Hate your job? Shutup, at least you have one." I'm so happy I continued to look, and even happier that I waited for something that fits well for me. I start this week.

Aside from work, I also was accepted into Weber State's Master's of English program. It's amazing being back in school, even just one class at a time. I'm already taking a break due to the new job (the plan is to prove what a dedicated employee I am before I ask to leave an hour early once a week for class), but I do have plans to continue. And I'm happy to report I got an A in my very first master's class.

We also moved into a new apartment this summer; we LOVE it. It's beautiful, luxury and it used to be out of our price range. With the economy, however, it seems like everyone is dropping their prices. We locked into a year at an affordable price and love coming home to our beautiful place every day. I'll post some pictures when I've finished decorating.

We just got back from Washington, DC to visit my family; my mom is on active duty there (she is a Marine Corps reservist) for the summer. She teaches college-prep classes enlisted Marines who were selected to attend college to become officers before they head off to universities. My parents sold their house in Yuma, and both of them will be in the DC area by the end of summer; my dad is set to accept a job there, and my mom will continue to become active each summer, and probably teach high school during the school year as she does in Yuma.

That's the update so far. One year in Utah down, five more to go. So far we're taking full advantage of all that Utah has to offer; skiing, hiking, film festivals, etc. We're finally coming into a social life here, and we're excited that our friend Travis (who was transferred here from his job Las Vegas, coincidentally and very happily) is moving his girlfriend (who we also love to hang out with when she is in town) out here as well -- the boys are great to hang out with, but it will be nice to have a girlfriend here -- I'm so used to a close circle of girlfriends, it's been a little weird without any here.

TIme to get to bed, and get ready to finish my last couple days at work!

Oh, yeah. English.

2009-05-31T00:57:00.001-07:00

I forgot to update: I was able to stay enrolled in my graduate English class. SO happy. Got an A, loved the class, and gearing up for summer term.

On select nights, when judgement has been impaired

2009-03-29T18:36:00.001-07:00

Catch me doing big things in the SLC music scene...

Quote of the Day

2009-03-21T15:14:00.000-07:00

I read this on the LA Times web site today and it made me laugh. In regards to LeAnn Rimes' alleged affair:

So, um, clearly this is a relationship underway. I mean, who sucks on a guy's fingers on a first date, right?

Unless it's after a few shots.

In college.

So I didn't buy the actual prints. Hence, the watermark.

2009-03-09T22:34:00.001-07:00

Skiing in beautiful Utah.
I'm a recovering snowboarder. First time skiing and I'm totally addicted.

Best snow on earth...or so I'm told. Who knows, I've only lived in the desert before moving to Utah. But that's what it says on my license plate, so I'm sure it's totally true.

I can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday morning.

For Tony

2009-02-26T18:02:00.000-08:00

And, come visit anytime.

Limits

2009-02-24T03:09:00.000-08:00

Sometimes Utah is as FRIGGIN offensive as you'd think.

I love the state.

I hate the state of mind. Sometimes.

Utah = Colorado, minus the real world.

Sometimes.

One step forward, two steps back

2009-02-18T21:29:00.001-08:00

How this man continues to be elected -- even in Utah -- amazes me. Who knew this type of bigotry and ignorance still existed...

Buttars warns about gay threat to America, says their morals are 'anything goes'

By Aaron Falk
Deseret News
Published: February 18, 2009
Sen. Chris Buttars believes gays and lesbians are "the greatest threat to America going down," comparing members of the LGBT community to radical Muslims.

"I believe they will destroy the foundation of the American society," the West Jordan Republican said in a recent interview with documentary filmmaker Reed Cowan. "In my mind, it's the beginning of the end. … Sodom and Gomorrah was localized. This is worldwide."

Audio from the hourlong interview aired on ABC Ch. 4 Tuesday night and video of Buttars discussing the "underbelly" of the gay community made its way onto YouTube for a brief time Wednesday.

Buttars' comments prompted concern among Republicans and Democrats alike, and had some gay rights activists calling for the senator's resignation Wednesday.

"It's extremely offensive and inappropriate, especially for an elected official," said gay rights activist Jacob Whipple. "It should not be tolerated."

Gay and lesbian lawmakers said they were disappointed — but not shocked — by the remarks. The NAACP called for Buttars' resignation last year for comments he made about a controversial bill. "This baby is black, I'll tell you," he said. "This is a dark and ugly thing."

"An apology is not going to do it at this point," said Sen. Scott McCoy, the only openly gay member of the Senate. "I'm not sure I'd find an apology sincere anyway."

McCoy said several GOP senators had made a point of apologizing for Buttars' comments.

"They're very hurtful statements," added Rep. Christine Johnson, D-Salt Lake. "I trust (Senate) President (Michael) Waddoups and the Senate leadership to address it."

Asked if he expected any repercussions for his recent statements, Buttars said, "I've been under repercussions my whole life."

Senate Majority Whip Scott Jenkins, R-Plain City, however, said he wasn't sure leadership would respond.

"He's got a right to speak his mind and that's what he did," Jenkins said. "I'm not saying we're all happy about it."

As for the effect Buttars' latest flap may have on how the Senate is viewed, Jenkins said the GOP majority is "concerned, not afraid. There's no question we're concerned about that. We're trying very hard to keep things from getting to a fever pitch here."

For his part, Waddoups, R-Taylorsville, told the Deseret News he spoke to Buttars about his remarks Wednesday.

"It caught me totally unawares and I just asked him to explain it," Waddoups said.

Buttars reportedly told colleagues he was quoted out of context and said had been promised a chance to review the documentary before it was released. Waddoups told Buttars "to stand up for his issues when it is appropriate and when it's not, don't get trapped into something else."

"I know he feels very strongly about issues, the Utah family," Waddoups said. "Issues that are moral for him are things he should stand up for and represent his people. That's why they elected him. He's doing his job."

During the interview, Buttars addressed issues of morality when it comes to gay rights legislation.

"I believe the whole thing is immoral," Buttars said. "What is the morals of a gay person? You can't answer that, because anything goes. So now you're moving toward a society that has no morals."

Buttars called homosexuality "a perversion" and took credit for killing every gay rights bill that has come before the Senate over the last eight years.

"They don't want equality," he said. "They want superiority."

In a statement posted on the Senate's blog Wednesday afternoon, Buttars said simply he was "disappointed" with the documentary filmmaker and would continue to support "traditional marriage."

"I believe traditional marriage is the foundation of our civilization and I'll continue to support public policy that strengthens traditional marriage," Buttars wrote. "I will also continue to oppose policy that undermines that foundation."

At an interfaith service in the Capitol Wednesday, Equality Utah leaders and gay rights activists said there was no place for retaliation against Buttars.

"We still love him, even if he hates us," Joe Baker-Gorringe said.

UT making headlines for being progressive?

2009-02-14T18:23:00.000-08:00

Now this is a Republican I'm happy to get on board with (I'm Republican, but I'm not always happy to get on board with the party -- particularly their social stances). Against the opinion of 70% of Utah residents, Utah's Republican, LDS governor came out in support of civil unions earlier this week. No one expects this to go anywhere; Utah's legislators wouldn't dare let it. But it's nice to know that our state is being governed by someone with independent thought. Not all Republicans are socially retarded, and Utah's governor has proved that not all Utahns fall neatly in line behind its ultra-conservative legislature.

Guv, at odds with most Utahns, backs civil unions for gays
Unlikely ally » Huntsman also supports other gay-rights bills, but they may be long shots.
By Rosemary Winters
The Salt Lake Tribune

Salt Lake Tribune
Posted:02/09/2009 07:55:02 PM MST

Here is a sentence you probably never expected to read: Utah's governor supports civil unions.
Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr., a spokeswoman said Monday, backs Equality Utah's Common Ground Initiative, a legislative effort that would provide some rights to gay and transgender Utahns. Even more, the Republican governor favors civil unions.
It's a position that runs counter to his political party and against the majority of Utahns -- 70 percent of whom oppose civil unions, according to a recent Salt Lake Tribune poll.

"He's long supported many of the ideas that are presented within the Common Ground Initiative," said Lisa Roskelley, the governor's spokeswoman, noting her boss waits to endorse specific bills officially until presented to him in final form. "He supports civil unions."

It's doubtful Huntsman's backing will lead to civil unions getting past the conservative Legislature. And it may not help the rest of this year's gay-rights legislative push, which already has shrunk from four bills to two.

On Day Two of the 2009 Legislature, a measure died in committee that would have allowed financial dependents -- besides spouses, parents and children -- to sue in the event of a breadwinner's wrongful death.

And last week, Rep. Jackie Biskupski, D-Salt Lake City, ditched her proposal, which would have sought the Legislature's and voters' approval to erase the second part of Amendment 3 -- Utah's constitutional gay-marriage ban -- that forbids civil unions.

Huntsman, who endorsed Amendment 3 when he ran for governor in 2004, now favors repealing that portion, Roskelley said.
She said the governor was unavailable to comment Monday.

Jeff Reynolds, spokesman for the conservative Salt Lake City-based Sutherland Institute think tank, which opposes the Common Ground Initiative, said he's "not surprised" by Huntsman's softened stand.

"He had to be dragged to the altar of Amendment 3," Reynolds said in an e-mail, "and everyone has known since then that Governor Huntsman would rather be nice than right."

Biskupski was pleased by the news that Huntsman supports civil unions.

"Wow. That's absolutely fantastic. I wish the rest of the state felt the same way," she said. "That's definitely a door to walk through."

Senate President Michael Waddoups, R-Taylorsville, and House Speaker Dave Clark, R-Santa Clara, did not respond to requests for comment on Huntsman's position. Neither did Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan and a high-profile Common Ground foe.
Of the remaining Common Ground bills, one would make it illegal to fire or evict someone for being gay or transgender. The other would allow two, unmarried cohabiting adults to file a "declaration of joint support" with their county recorder and gain benefits of inheritance and medical-decision making.

"We appreciate that the governor sees these are common-sense solutions to problems that Utahns are facing," said Will Carlson, Equality Utah's public-policy manager. "We'll take all the help we can get."

Still, he acknowledged the governor's support won't necessarily sway any votes on Capitol Hill. "It sure didn't help liquor laws or cigarette taxes much," Carlson noted.

But he said the governor could make the difference on a nonlegislative piece of the Common Ground Initiative: extending state employees' health benefits to domestic partners.

Roskelley said the governor supports the concept but insisted the change would have to be done legislatively. Carlson said the Legislature's OK would be needed only if the policy change requires additional appropriations. But he said the cost of expanding health benefits would be "negligible."

Grad school drop-out

2009-02-02T18:49:00.000-08:00

Oh, faithful blog readers (all four of you), I have some sad news to share. As much as I've loved attending my once-a-week night class, I'm withdrawing. My class is on Wednesday nights and so far, I've been making it work with my job.

If you don't know, I do community outreach/public relations. Without getting too specific (I hear horror stories only too often about posting work-related tidbits on personal blog sites), this includes a number of things, one of them being to organize and facilitate public and neighborhood meetings to answer questions and present information in the community as it relates to my organization. Sometimes these meetings are planned out far in advance, in which case I'm able to somewhat control which day of the week they fall on. Sometimes, however, members of the community ask to meet with us (myself and other staff members) at a moment's notice. For example, I got a call this afternoon asking if we could attend a community council meeting this Wednesday night. Seeing as this is a primary part of my job responsibilities, I'm not exactly in the position to say no. I also haven't been with my job long enough to ask anyone else to cover it for me and have that be okay. I know way too many people right now who can't find a job at all -- I'm not about to make myself dispensable at work, especially since I've been there for under a year.

This would be my second absence in the class. I'd already arranged to miss another class later this month because I'll be in San Francisco for a work conference. Because the class only meets once a week for three hours, missing two classes during the semester automatically drops your grade to a "C." I understand this. It's not the school's responsibility to cater to my work schedule. It's a master's level course -- missing one three-hour class is equivalent to missing three regular classes. Missing two is sort of ridiculous. I'm not willing to take a "C" in a class I would easily earn an "A" in had I been able to attend each meeting.

I was momentarily devastated. I love that class. I loved being back in school. But for some reason, it's just not meant to be right now. When I let my boss know I would be attending school in the evenings, it was understood that it would not be at the expense at my job duties. And that's reasonable: I have a full-time, salary position; it's not a clock-in, clock-out, work-around-school job. Things might be different if I'd been with my job for a couple of years already. But as it is, I'm still sort of new. And, as I mentioned in a couple of posts ago, I'm not committed enough to quit working and go to school full time. My job comes with two major things I'm not willing to give up: good (enough) pay (for now) and health benefits. Even for something as noble as higher education.

I know I'll be able to start my master's up again sometime in the future. If there's one thing this class has shown me in the last month, it's that I absolutely want to pursue graduate work when the time is right. Now just didn't work out; that's okay. It will. It just sucks that I have to eat the money I paid for the course.

I have some plans for the future, and I'll be sure to share them if they pan out.

Otherwise, we're doing just great. The snow has let up, although I think we can expect some more on Friday. Dan just gave his first major presentation in school and did fantastic. We'll be heading to Vegas in March, San Francisco/Napa Valley in May (hopefully with Tony&co.) and Washington, DC in July to visit my mom. Don't worry, she's not leaving my dad or anything -- she just got an amazing offer to teach a summer physics course to enlisted Marines who have been selected to become officers and thus must attend college. So she'll be out there for nine weeks on active duty (if you don't know, my mom spend 12 years active duty in the Marine Corps before getting out. She's still a reservist).

So that's it for now. Time to watch something trashy on TV or something.

Depression is not a color on a mood ring.

2009-01-26T22:41:00.000-08:00

"My grandparents didn't take any pills, and they were fine. Just buck up and get over it. Stop being such a fucking pansy." -- Scientologist Bijou Phillips on the subject of anti-depressants to the new issue of Paper magazine

I absolutely hate when people pass judgment on anti-depressants. Depression. is. serious. I understand that everyone is entitled to his or her personal opinion/belief system/etc. But, I can't get on board with this one.

If you can't understand why some people need medication to treat depression -- if you think everyone should be able to "buck up" and just pull themselves out of the"funk" -- then please, consider yourself lucky to never have been through such a painful, sometimes tragic struggle.

I've never taken medication. But I'm not afraid to "admit" I've been through long-term therapy on two separate occasions -- once for severe depression. And I absolutely would not have shied away from medication had that been the course or route my psychologist felt was best for me. The overwhelming, all-consuming, inordinate amount of internal battles with yourself cannot be justifiably described in words. You don't see the light at the end of the tunnel until it's over. There is no end in sight -- nothing to "pull yourself" up to.

I've always been an advocate of people getting help who need it. Maybe because I have been there. Because had my parents not forced me to pick up the phone in college and make the call, I don't know how my life would be different today. That was almost six years ago, and I still sometimes can't remember just exactly how terrified I felt, because it was an unreal haze of a situation. To be out of that torture is life-saving. You don't have to be a wierdo psycho introvert who dresses in black trenchcoats and army boots to be depressed. And you don't have to be one to seek treatment.

Depression is not the same as a bad day. And it scares me when stars and celebrities and friends and parents and brothers and sisters and boyfriends and girlfriends tell someone who truly needs help to "shake it off." Sometimes, it really is much more than that. I just thank God I had a support system that was able to understand that what I was going through was serious -- even if they couldn't always really understand.

...and in other news

2009-01-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

1. I tried to return a couple things I got for Christmas from Victoria's Secret today. They didn't fit. The (ridiculously beautiful) salesgirl told me they didn't take back things from VictoriasSecret.com. Not even with a receipt. Not for store credit. Not for anything. They "aren't the same company." What? It was super-annoying. And I don't have the receipt (just thought I'd ask her if it would have made a difference -- no), so now I'm stuck with super-cute jammies two sizes too large.

2. Some people worry about not being able to quit drinking or smoking for nine months when they get pregnant. I worry about not being able to quit sushi (mercury). I can't quit sushi. It's my most expensive habit, aside from traveling. Dan has learned not to ask me what/where I want to eat/do/go when we don't have plans for the day. In his question, I hear "let's get some sushi!"

3. I'm just one flight short of a free trip to Central America or the Caribbean from United Airlines. So many more places I want to go, so little vacation time per year at work.

4. For this reason (okay, and others), the teaching profession has been looking pretty appealing lately. Utah, unlike Nevada, doesn't pay teachers (too) shitty.

5. I started my master's in English up at Weber State. I go one night a week after work for three glorious hours. I commute forty-five minutes north to school. It's just what the doctor ordered. As an undergrad, I read (maybe) 20% of the books/papers/essays assigned. (I graduated with a 3.7 GPA). I vowed if I went back to school, it wouldn't be a half-assed affair. I'm reading intently each night, scribbling notes, participating in class, awing my professors and classmates with my brilliant insights. For this reason, the teaching profession is also looking more and more appealing; I would love to start teaching at the junior high/high school level and then progress to the junior college level once I graduate with my master's. (At this rate, it will take about four-five years to graduate).

6. My master's class has piqued my interested in pursuing a PhD after I graduate. I'm not committed enough to quit work and do the whole thing full-time yet, though.

7. Dan is eating my leftover Pei Wei noodles he heated up for me because I'm not off the computer yet.

8. We got tickets to the Sundance Film Festival next weekend. Lauren is coming to visit, so the four of us (include Travis, of course), will spend next Saturday in Park City celebu-hunting and watching two festival films.

9. I love hulu,com. Bravo is a premium channel in Salt Lake City -- no Real Housewives of Orange County/New York/Atlanta. Hulu.com gives me a fix. A small fix, but a fix.

10. I don't care. I love the Real Housewives lives. I wish I could say I detest how shallow they are, but if I were in their position, I would spend my days at South Coast Plaza, the spa, in my BMW, etc. And be happy about it.

Glory Days: If I had to do it all over again...

2008-12-24T13:13:00.000-08:00

I would still choose to attend UNLV to finish out my collegiate running career. Coming out of junior college, I admit, I wasn't too focused on what a four-year institution could offer me academically. Hell, UNLV didn't even have a dedicated Journalism degree at the time I went. Instead, I wanted to find a school where I could finish with some kind of degree, was close to home, and allowed me to be a competitive part of the cross-country and track teams.

Several division II and NAIA schools offered me athletic scholarships. Some very competitive division II schools, at that. But DII felt like a junior-varsity decision. I’d already been through the junior college athletic circus. If I was going to continue running in college, I wanted to go big or go home. If I couldn’t compete at the division I level, then to me, I should hang up my spikes and stick to local 5Ks.

I should note here that I was by no means a standout athlete in junior college. I mean, I was a big fish in a small pond: I set my junior college school record for the steeplechase, garnered a few all-region honors, and qualified for nationals in both cross and track. BUT: I was never an All-American, never a region title-holder, never even a major invitational title holder. And I should also mention that there are a ton of DII, DIII and NAIA runners who could have killed me in races. For some reason, though, I still wanted to go division I. I was not hitting DI scholarship times, but I did have solid walk-on times. (In fact, one of my most vivid junior college running memories was when Walt Drenth of Arizona State called me at home and invited me to walk-on – but Arizona State was out for a few reasons: 1) Each of the handful of girls I knew who walked-on to ASU’s team after junior college quit after their first season of cross. Transitioning from a JC to a nationally competitive DI team like ASU was not without its challenges. A lot of the JC girls quit from injury or burnout. 2) The other girls that quit was a result from being so far down on the roster that they never had a prayer of making the travel team. And putting such intense mileage in day after day without competing is a tough thing to do, mentally and physically).

SO: after a handful of considerations, UNLV it was. And even though in some ways, it may have been the easy choice (I knew coming in I would likely be the #2 runner even as a walk-on), I still had the thrill of being a DI collegiate athlete. Everything that came with it: higher level of training, access to better facilities, a team of trainers, coaches, doctors at my fingertips. Now instead of lining up against the ASU girls as a junior-college nobody, I was legit competition. I was a peer. I broke my own personal records at UNLV, and competed at the highest level possible. I also got my ass handed to me so many times in races, I thought I should just start carrying it around. But I can tell you this now looking back: I’d much rather have my ass handed to me by division I competitor than being a pack-leader against lower-tier schools.

That’s just my personal outlook. Like I said, there are a ton of amazing athletes, Olympic-caliber athletes, even, that come out of DII and DIII schools. But I was never going to be an Olympic-caliber athlete. My running high ended with college graduation. I rode my dream as far as I could. On the way, I got an education, made lifelong friends, and travelled almost every weekend for the thrill of competition.

Hey, I think I even stole a medicine ball or two from the weight room.

So, what else could I have possibly asked for?

Oh. God.

2008-12-21T19:07:00.000-08:00

I went to confession today for the first time in roughly fifteen years.

As soon as I left the confessional, I remembered instantly the reason I hadn't been in a decade and a half.

It was easy to confess when I was a kid.

Today, I was the only one there my age. I think the average age of the church during the penance service was eighty-two. And I'm not trying to take anything away from the commendable senior citizens who attend confession, but isn't it a little easier to confess when you're old, too? I mean, what kind of shananigans can 82 year olds really get into?

I debated going today. Catholics are supposed to go at least once a year. I was extremely overdue. Christmas is the traditional time when wayward Catholics find their way back to the church. I haven't exactly drifted away, but I am what you could call a Cafeteria Catholic: I choose which parts of the church's teachings to practice and which are too inconvenient for me. It's for this very reason I've kept confession at an arm's length. Not only do I understand that there are huge parts of my life that go against my church, I have no intention of changing them. And the biggest part of confession is being truly sorry for your sins. I'm not even sure I consider some of the things I'm doing a sin (though they clearly are in the church's eyes), let alone be sorry for them.

But I went anyway. By far the biggest confession was shacking up before marriage. I was extremely relieved that his penance for me was to simply "think" about my choices rather than change them. But not before letting me know just how exactly my choices are setting me up for a potential loveless marriage full of infidelity and mistrust.

Guilt and Catholicism go hand in hand. Before I left, he told me to make sure I came back to confession every year. I think he may have realized how much his words affected me. Maybe I'll go back next Christmas. Or maybe I'll wait until I'm married so this huge guilt anvil is lifted off my shoulders. Or maybe it'll be another fifteen years before I step back into that minefield again.

Finally, China pictures. I went back and resized them.

2008-12-16T23:39:00.000-08:00

Easily one of my best trips yet. China was amazing. The Great Wall, Forbidden City, ancient gardens...truly absolutely breathtaking sights.

It's trips like these that remind me what a lucky life I'm leading. I'm exactly where I want to be, literally and figuratively. Sure, there are some things I'd change. But never at the compromise of the big picture. It sounds cheesy, but sometimes I really do have to step back to understand how blessed I truly am.

We'll be heading to Yuma for the holidays -- the first time Dan will ever visit the Y. I love going home, I don't get back nearly often enough.

Almost six months deep in Utah. Winter here is insane. I slid off the road this morning (no damage done), and realized just exactly what everyone meant when they told me how tricky driving in the snow can be. I miss my girls in Vegas more than anything, but we're finally starting to have somewhat of a social life here. All in all, the Utah move has been amazing.

Okay okay, China pictures. So I have WAY too many to go through and post, so here are just some. And I'm much too tired to size them, so thy are giant. No captions, sorry, just pictures...

"My friend DJ, that is..."

2008-11-17T20:09:00.001-08:00

Some friends of mine in Vegas are having a huge holiday party -- complete with a bartender and DJ. I told Bricker I was a little sad about being so far away from everyone we know, especially around the holidays (I, myself, being a social butterfly entertained the idea of having a Christmas party here in Salt Lake as I had done in years past in Nevada but then remembered that the party would only consist of me, Bricker and Travis with two six-packs and a bottle of wine -- which would pretty much be the same as our Saturday nights now, but with twinkling lights).

Anyway, he looked up from his homework and said "I'll throw you a party with a DJ." I looked at him quizzically. "Well, my friend DJ."

Not that I ever forgot, but he reminds me at the most random of times why I moved to Utah.

Graduate degrees are the new mini-skirts. Or the new mid-twenties. Or whatever.

2008-10-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

So many exciting things going on.

1. I cast my vote this morning. I love early voting, it's so convenient. I love voting, period -- it's been by far the coolest thing about being over eighteen years old. Admittedly, I'm a political junkie.

Every political season there seems to be a lot of criticism towards those that don't "do enough research" on the issues -- people who go to the polls, vote for the "names" and based on surface information. Why should their vote count as much as mine? Me, an informed, thoughtful voter? Because that's the way democracy works, I say. And if those people are smart enough to get to the polls, then they have every right to cast their vote.

The real uninformed ones are those who don't care enough to realize the how fortunate we are to live in a true democratic society.

2. Speaking of democracy (or not) -- I head to China this Sunday! I'll be back on Tuesday, November 4 and back to work on Wednesday.

3. I'm (hopefully) going back to school in the Spring. I've had my eye on starting my master's back up next semester at the University of Utah here in Salt Lake. BUT, when I went online to search the class schedule, I saw they offered no graduate level evening classes. WTF? Do all students in SLC attend grad school full-time? I'm not about to go back to being a poor college student -- I put in those four years already; besides, I need/want to keep pressing forward in my career.

I think, though, that my problem was solved today.

Thankfully, Utah seems to have one university for every five people in the state. Weber State in Ogden, about thirty minutes outside of Salt Lake, does have evening graduate classes. Their deadline to apply for Spring, though, was in early October. On the advice of my dad, I gave them a call today, and spoke with the department chair. After a short chat, he said he'd be able to override me into classes next semester.

A master's in English is something I've wanted for a long time. A master's degree is the new bachelor's, and I can't think of any other field I'd want to pursue more.

I'll post some pictures when I get back from China-land, assuming I survive the ten-hour ride in a flying pressurized 500-ton tube of death, otherwise known as the modern airplane.

Just another Utah observation

2008-10-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

I should have figured this out right away, but it actually took me awhile to put it together.

A number of people I've encountered in Utah who make significantly more than I do drive utterly POS cars. I'm talking bumpers half-way attached with duct tape, side-view mirrors ripped off, stains all over the interior, the whole nine-yards. Now, I'm not rolling in a beamer by any means, but I do make it a habit to run my car through the drive-through car wash once every two or three months.

And then it hit me: these people were all male. And, by a hunch, Mormon. And, male + Mormon usually = sole supporter of family of 5+.

Thus resulting in driving POS cars despite making $15,000 more a year than I do.

Thirty is the new sixty-five

2008-10-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

English degrees aren't particularly useful. I knew this even as I changed my major in college from Journalism to English after transferring to UNLV. While friends were majoring in practical fields -- business administration, nursing, education, economics -- I was floating through what felt like one big book club of studies. We read, we discussed, we formed opinions and we defended them.

This is not to say every English major was as lackadaisical with their futures after school as I was: forty-nine percent of my classmates were pre-law. The other forty-nine percent were minoring in education. The other two percent -- myself obviously included -- were neither. We all knew the "English majors are extremely valued in the real world for their writing and comprehension skills" was pretty much a bunch of crap. I mean, I knew business majors who could write nearly as well. The Fortune 500 companies wouldn't be beating my door down for my insightful interpretations of classic literary works.

I pushed these thoughts out of my head throughout most of college. I ignored a boyfriend's sister who graduated with her English degree and was gainfully employed by Pottery Barn. Similarly, I paid no attention to a friend's boyfriend who was a waiter at the Hard Rock Cafe...five years after earning the same degree I was pursuing from the very same institution.

But after graduation, I panicked. And flung myself quickly into damage-control mode. I signed up for the LSAT's. Registered for a year-long teacher certification program at UNLV. Bagged a public relations internship at a local PR agency. I would not fall victim to the huge pitfall that was my degree.

Within the first six months of graduating, I took a couple practice-tests out of an old copy of an LSAT study book, earned exactly the national average score, and was admitted to a mid-level law school in Southern California. I took a semester worth of education classes and disastrously student-taught seventh grade English three days a week. The other two days I was interning at the PR agency -- trying to quickly decide what it was my English degree had really prepared me for in the real world.

Admittance to law school was an ego-boost, but somewhat off the table. $100,000 in debt after a panic-mode decision in a field I wasn't entirely committed to was just too ridiculous. Teaching at a high-achieving school with well-behaved kids made me realize the education field really wasn't in the cards for me at the time. And so, by process of elimination, PR it was. I spun the internship into a job working in government relations and joined the real world. Living proof that English majors can succeed outside the retail and food-service industry.

And now, almost four years after graduation, the novelty of being in the real world has worn off. And I even somewhat enjoy my job. But forty more years of this? Of five-day work weeks, eight or nine hour days? People really do this until they are sixty-five years old? I can't even imagine life after thirty, and that's only five years away.

And aren't I supposed to have kids sometime? In fact, isn't, oh, now pretty much the sweet spot of child-bearing years? Not only is that idea completely preposterous to me, but it doesn't seem any less ridiculous five years from now.

I feel like some ominous post-college guidance counselor is checking in with me. Are you ready for all this, he/she/spiritual being is asking me. Because this is it, sister. This is the real world, the one you worked your ass off to join and finish college in four years after transferring from a junior college and changing majors. And it comes with your very own cubicle, stapler, and endless supplies of sticky notes.

Quarter of a Year

2008-10-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

Salt Lake City is the new LA. Right? I'm missing Vegas always, but am pretty much in love with my new city.

Salt Lake at night

Our favorite New York pizza place in Sugarhouse

Our neighborhood

Outdoor concert in Lehi:

St. Ann's Parish, my Salt Lake Church

Utah State Capitol and the U.S. Constitution (on tour)

Utah State Fair

Norm MacDonald (SNL) at a comedy club in Ogden, UT

One Month Deep

2008-08-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

Today marks one month for us here in Utah and so far, we're loving it. I'm getting more into the swing of my job and Bricker is starting meetings this week with his PhD advisers to map out his first year.

Today I caught him thinking of Jimmy. I can tell when he's thinking of Jimmy or Tony by the look on his face.

Remember that guy from Beverly Hills, 90210? David Silver? He was on TV, and I couldn't remember the name of the actor who played him. But Bricker did. Brian Austin Green. Wait, he's still talking about him. About how young he looks.

Anyway, we're still playing tourists. Last weekend we went to the city library and the Salt Lake City and County building. Interesting note about the city/county building: It was built in the late 1800's by the non-Mormon citizens of Salt Lake in open defiance of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was designed specifically to rival the beautiful Salt Lake temple as the city's architectural centerpiece. Therefore, Salt Lake is home to one of the most gorgeous local government buildings I have ever seen. It looks like a cathedral or old Victorian castle.

We also checked out the Salt Lake library -- it's huge, right outside the downtown area. The first two books I checked out: Mormon America and Catholicism for Dummies. I figure while I learn more about my own religion, I might as well learn about the dominant religion of the state.

Bricker's sisters made the trek up here this past weekend with two friends and we visited Lagoon, the amusement and water park here in Salt Lake. We're so glad they were able to come out -- we miss our family and friends!

I'm looking forward to my birthday next month -- I think some of my girlfriends in Vegas are coming up. We'll shut this city down, I'm sure. Vegas girls are always trouble...especially in Salt Lake. Already counting the days!

China-bound!

2008-07-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

It's all set. I'm China-bound in November for 10 days with some of the most fun girls ever.

My work just approved my time off. Which is especially sweet since I just started a month ago. And my old job in Las Vegas had denied me the time off (before I knew I was moving to Salt Lake) because of scheduling issues.

We'll see Beijing, Shanghai, the great wall, ancient gardens, old-world cities. Can't wait.

Really. can't. wait.

Pioneer Day

2008-07-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

"Honey, can I make frozen yogurt by putting yogurt in the freezer?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, I'm trying."

I'll let you guys decide which of us said what. I love him and his silly frozen yogurt questions (but I'm not sure I'll try any).

It's been almost three weeks since we picked up and headed east and I'm happy to say we're all settled in. The new place is adorable. It's a 1901 mansion that was converted into six separate apartments in the Sugar House area of Salt Lake City. We have a cute little LDS couple that lives next door and a gay couple upstairs who helped us move our couches in (couches, by the way, that we got a sweet deal on at RC Willey's thanks to Bricker's sweetalking).

Sugar House is considered the most "liberal" neighborhood in Salt Lake and we have funky little tea shops and fortune teller ladies down the street from us.

I started work a few days after we got here. I'm working in public relations at the Utah Transit Authority -- so far, so good. It's been a little wierd to be new at a job again but I'm happy that things fell in place for me career-wise in Salt Lake. It was a lot less scary moving with a job waiting for me.

Bricker's been bored out of his pretty little head. He doesn't start school until mid August. I'm pretty sure he eats bon-bons all day and watches Days of Our Lives when I go to work.

He's donating blood for money this Friday. Thirty-five big ones. Ohhhh yeah.

Anyway, we've been getting out and seeing the city as much as we can. I'm a little more familar with the area because of work, but we're both learning our way around pretty well. Streets in Salt Lake are set up on a grid system based on their distance from the LDS temple which marks the dead center of the city. So, it's hard to really get too "lost."

It's a beautiful city -- if not a little strict on their liquor laws. We're still not sure where we can and cannot order what and how much, but we'll get it. The waitresses help us out when we go out.

We saw a Real Salt Lake game, the professional soccer team here in town.

And, I got my car registered here which, I have to say, was relatively painless. Next step: license.

I also experienced the Catholic community here in Utah. We are defintely a small breed based on the attendance in Mass. The head Catholic church in Utah is in Salt Lake, and the cathedral is just down the street from the LDS temple. No pictures, but trust me, it's gorgeous.

And, of course, the title event of this post: today is Pioneer Day here; the day the Mormon pioneers settled Salt Lake. Doesn't mean a whole lot to me, but I get the day off work and it's like the fourth of July around here: fireworks, parades, fesitvals. So we got out and saw a little bit of it.

One more thing: I got my hair cut. I love it, it makes me happy.

So, that's about it for now. We're both doing well and miss our friends in Las Vegas but having a great time out here so far. Come visit anytime, we have a spare bedroom!